In my head, I complain a lot. about everything. the weather. my husband. my dogs. work. money. my fat belly. my fat ass. my huge thighs. my stretch marks. the food I ate. everything. the fact I complain. I wish I didnt.
I had some visitors today (finally) and the weather was SO nice! It felt so good. It made me think about all those little things and how they are just little and insignificant. so I've come to one conclusion.
I need more sun. It makes me feel good. It makes my heart happy. Its my lifeblood.
Thats all today. I just wanted to check in and make myself known...again. That, and my pea is waking for a sweet sweet five minute slumber. So now I must bathe and bed her :) tata
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
looking back...
There are so many things I want for my life right now. I want a new fancy lens for my camera that I dont know how to work so I can take close close pictures and have them come out not blurry. I want to get photoshop so I can edit the not-so-fancy pictures taken with my fancy camera I dont know how to work. I want a new wardrobe that will fit my post-baby-still-holding-onto-20-extra-pounds-of-baby weight. I would like to say goodbye to this baby weight. A number of things.
But. Looking at my life right now, there is only one thing I wish I could have. I wish I could go back to be a better friend to my friends. I had a MAJOR attitude problem when I was younger. I think I had Napoleons Complex because I was always the "short friend". Always the friend who, when there was a car full of people, had to sit on a lap of someone else. I was mean to people. I called people names. I was angry at everything and wanted the world to know. I took out that anger on a lot of people for no good reason. I was judgemental, opinionated to the point that everyone was wrong if they didnt agree with me. I was a bitch. I HATE that I was like this. I really do. I didnt make friends easily and the people that I was friends with probably thought I was annoying 99.9% of the time.
I was also the girl that, once she got a boyfriend, forgot about the rest of her life and the rest of her friends. So the few friends that I did actually make would soon get tired of my antics and leave me in the dust. Or I would leave them in the dust.
I am also a really bad friend and I NEVER keep in touch with people. Partly because my years of not being able to make friends or keep friends has crutched me to being really akward with small talk. I cant hold a conversation about everyday life for the life of me. I never know what to say. I dont talk about myself because I dont want to be the "girl who only talks about herself". I dont ask prying questions about other people because I dont want to be the "nosey girl". I dont know the boundries. I dont know my limits. I hate it.
I worry that these traits will be passed on to my daughter. That she will see mommy has no friends and not know how to nurture relationships in her own life. It terrifies me. It scares me. It makes me sad. I hate it.
If there is one thing in my life I could change.... it would be that.
I am going to leave with something that makes my heart happy and makes me hopeful for my future. Seeing this makes me forget all my past and lose track of all the wants I have right now. It takes me to a place where my heart wants to explode and I'm lost. Dazed and blinded by the amount of love that seems through every pore of me.
But. Looking at my life right now, there is only one thing I wish I could have. I wish I could go back to be a better friend to my friends. I had a MAJOR attitude problem when I was younger. I think I had Napoleons Complex because I was always the "short friend". Always the friend who, when there was a car full of people, had to sit on a lap of someone else. I was mean to people. I called people names. I was angry at everything and wanted the world to know. I took out that anger on a lot of people for no good reason. I was judgemental, opinionated to the point that everyone was wrong if they didnt agree with me. I was a bitch. I HATE that I was like this. I really do. I didnt make friends easily and the people that I was friends with probably thought I was annoying 99.9% of the time.
I was also the girl that, once she got a boyfriend, forgot about the rest of her life and the rest of her friends. So the few friends that I did actually make would soon get tired of my antics and leave me in the dust. Or I would leave them in the dust.
I am also a really bad friend and I NEVER keep in touch with people. Partly because my years of not being able to make friends or keep friends has crutched me to being really akward with small talk. I cant hold a conversation about everyday life for the life of me. I never know what to say. I dont talk about myself because I dont want to be the "girl who only talks about herself". I dont ask prying questions about other people because I dont want to be the "nosey girl". I dont know the boundries. I dont know my limits. I hate it.
I worry that these traits will be passed on to my daughter. That she will see mommy has no friends and not know how to nurture relationships in her own life. It terrifies me. It scares me. It makes me sad. I hate it.
If there is one thing in my life I could change.... it would be that.
I am going to leave with something that makes my heart happy and makes me hopeful for my future. Seeing this makes me forget all my past and lose track of all the wants I have right now. It takes me to a place where my heart wants to explode and I'm lost. Dazed and blinded by the amount of love that seems through every pore of me.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
procrastination
Hello, my name is Chrystal and I am a procrastinator....
I take a lot of pictures of my little pea. Like, a lot. Which is fantastic! I know you're asking, "what's the problem with that?" The problem is - I NEVER upload them onto the computer. ever. Part of the reason I think I never upload them is because I don't have a real computer. I should rephrase that. I have a real computer, but it's about a billion years old and... it doesn't have the internet. I'm laughing at myself right now because I just aged myself to an age that doesn't correlate with my chronological age. The only computer I have in my house is a tiny little Netbook. The other reason I think I never upload them onto my tiny, precious little Netbook is because I don't have anything to edit my trillions of pea pictures with, save for the "paint" program. haha!
I am an old soul. I will admit that. I'm OK with it. I even kind of like it. I think it makes me unique. But, geez Chrystal. The young self inside of the old self is shaking her head with disappointment. I really need to get my act in gear. Soon..... I will get my act in gear. After I clean my house, feed the pea, do the laundry, feed the pea, eat some lunch, change the pea, feed the pea.... Geez my list is long. I'll get to this computer situation... I will.
Here are a couple of goodies that are probably super old... but I hope you (my thousands and thousands of followers....not) enjoy them.
I take a lot of pictures of my little pea. Like, a lot. Which is fantastic! I know you're asking, "what's the problem with that?" The problem is - I NEVER upload them onto the computer. ever. Part of the reason I think I never upload them is because I don't have a real computer. I should rephrase that. I have a real computer, but it's about a billion years old and... it doesn't have the internet. I'm laughing at myself right now because I just aged myself to an age that doesn't correlate with my chronological age. The only computer I have in my house is a tiny little Netbook. The other reason I think I never upload them onto my tiny, precious little Netbook is because I don't have anything to edit my trillions of pea pictures with, save for the "paint" program. haha!
I am an old soul. I will admit that. I'm OK with it. I even kind of like it. I think it makes me unique. But, geez Chrystal. The young self inside of the old self is shaking her head with disappointment. I really need to get my act in gear. Soon..... I will get my act in gear. After I clean my house, feed the pea, do the laundry, feed the pea, eat some lunch, change the pea, feed the pea.... Geez my list is long. I'll get to this computer situation... I will.
Here are a couple of goodies that are probably super old... but I hope you (my thousands and thousands of followers....not) enjoy them.
 |
| me and the Hubs at his brothers wedding... years ago |
 |
| 4 months preggers...I thought I was so HUGE! ha! |
 |
| Tenley yelling at me to take those darn mittens of her hands |
Saturday, March 5, 2011
she's my squishy
and I love her so. Everyday has been a new adventure in the z household and I cant help but wake up everyday thinking, "what has this little pea got in store for me today?" She never ceases to amaze me how quickly she is developing. From the moment she was born, she has been able to hold her head up and just a few days later she was able to scoot herself around. Now, she is smiling and beginning to "talk" to her mama and papa.
***dont mind my pictures... I have nothing to edit them and like I said earlier... I am still trying to figure out how to use my camera***
My little lovebug is sleeping so peacefully in her swing (which is the only place right now she is willing to close her baby blues) and I am enjoying some quiet mommy time thinking to myself what I am going to make for dinner. So until next time...
 |
| Making a silly face at daddy... or probably getting ready to cry |
 |
| she sure does love her some mommy : ) |
***dont mind my pictures... I have nothing to edit them and like I said earlier... I am still trying to figure out how to use my camera***
Friday, March 4, 2011
hello world
so.... this is my first blog. I have no agenda with this blog. This is really just a place for me to unplug my thoughts, life and heart. A forum for my creativity....or the discovery of my craetivity. A place for me to document the upbringings of my little pea, Tenley. I am completely new at this whole thing and have no clue what I am doing.
Recently my life has chagned a full 180 degrees. I went from being a young, single, career oriented girl from Souther California to a still young, married, stay at home mommy finding new hobbies and living in New York. All in a matter of a year. I guess it should be noted that when I say 'single', I mean not married; but the Hubs and I have been exclusive for about 5 years.
What hobbies am I dabbling in? Well, for starters, I got a camera... a fancy one used to take fancy pictures... one that I haven't the foggiest clue how to work. But I'm working on it. I have quite a few freinds who are pretty savvy at using their lens and I hope to use them to advance my learning. I also an cooking. I cooked before, creatively, but now that I am home.. every.single.day... I am now branching out a little bit and am goaling myself at learning a new recipe a week. We have quite a few food resrtictions in my little homestead. The Hubs is allergic to seafood (bust) and I have to stay away from dairy because my little pea is lactose intolerant and I'm being a good mama and using what God gave me to feed her. So needless to say, cooking has been interesting. :) I guess those are the two main hobbies I have... I also love to read (which I rarely have time to do), shop (again...time. Plus money with this one is lacking), and am beginning to whip my tush into shape with a little help from the P90x videos. I'm sure the hell I'm about to partake in with this little venture will be well documented.
Recently my life has chagned a full 180 degrees. I went from being a young, single, career oriented girl from Souther California to a still young, married, stay at home mommy finding new hobbies and living in New York. All in a matter of a year. I guess it should be noted that when I say 'single', I mean not married; but the Hubs and I have been exclusive for about 5 years.
What hobbies am I dabbling in? Well, for starters, I got a camera... a fancy one used to take fancy pictures... one that I haven't the foggiest clue how to work. But I'm working on it. I have quite a few freinds who are pretty savvy at using their lens and I hope to use them to advance my learning. I also an cooking. I cooked before, creatively, but now that I am home.. every.single.day... I am now branching out a little bit and am goaling myself at learning a new recipe a week. We have quite a few food resrtictions in my little homestead. The Hubs is allergic to seafood (bust) and I have to stay away from dairy because my little pea is lactose intolerant and I'm being a good mama and using what God gave me to feed her. So needless to say, cooking has been interesting. :) I guess those are the two main hobbies I have... I also love to read (which I rarely have time to do), shop (again...time. Plus money with this one is lacking), and am beginning to whip my tush into shape with a little help from the P90x videos. I'm sure the hell I'm about to partake in with this little venture will be well documented.
I am excited to start making a record of my life and to see, physically, how my life is going to change and evolve in the days, weeks and years to come. I am even more excited to document all of those moments that will leave me breathless about my life and love(s).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)